This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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