Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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