Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
