Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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