was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
