I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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