i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
