All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
