Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize