Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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