Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
