Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
