saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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