i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
