Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
