i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
