Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
