tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize