Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
