And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
