the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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