Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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