I want to have your abortion
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
