in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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