Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
