Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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