One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
