Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
