Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
