their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
