My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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