i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
