she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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