Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
