All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
