at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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