I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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