The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up under a house in Key West
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
