I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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