I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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