He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
