Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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