Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
