Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
