I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
