you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize