He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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