so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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