I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she smelled like a LAN party
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
