were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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