WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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