She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
