Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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