every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
