Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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