how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
