i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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