It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She needs sedatives and a leash
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
